Take a minute for this one.

Please Read THIS!

It expresses so much.  Granted, I didn't leave for foreign soil.  The year 2004 I left for a foreign land in Tennessee.  Leaving friends, family, and a stable life.  I came to a place where I lived on someone's futon for 8 months while working as an unpaid volunteer with a college degree.  The year 2011 has brought much of the same change.  Again, I have left a place of friends that seem like family, a home, and a stable life.  Moved to a place where a friend of a friend had a spare bedroom I could use for the time.  Attempting to connect with college students with the hope of being able to disciple as Matthew 28:19 talks about.

This is not about me and what I have gained or lost.  It's not about the struggles or even the blessings of the Lord.  It's about living for Christ and desiring to be obedient in this life, that is fleeting, more than comfortable.  The Lord allows opportunities for all of us to live out obediently.  The question is do we even know enough of Him to truly know what He is asking of us?  My life has been marked with things that yours might not be at all.  I assure though it can be marked with Christ if you are willing to let go of your own life and follow the Lord.  Unfortunately, you can't follow Him in little bits and pieces.  You'll miss the whole picture of who He is and what He is desiring to do to bring Himself glory!

Enough from me for now!  Go read the other link posted above.  

What now?

For those that feel left out in the dark, no worries.  Sometimes I kinda feel the same way.  Last Monday night I arrived back to Benton for the week.  There was a final meeting concerning some issues from Camp that I needed to go to.  As Chris and I drove past my old house into campus I thought I was going to vomit.  I helped build that house.  Literally, it was built for me.  Yet I completely walked away from it. What in the world is going on?  How did we get to this point.  I didn't enjoy being in the dining hall.  Nor did I really enjoy being on campus.  It just felt like everything was taken from us.  It wasn't right nor fair in any way shape or form.  During the Monday night meeting Ocoee Resort Ministries was totally dissolved.  In one vote it was simply gone.  How can they do that?  I still have no idea.  

It is what it is.

Rather than continuing to re-read what was it's best to move forward with what is to come.  

Just got word today that there is a possible place for me to rent that is nothing fancy.  It wasn't built for me.  I didn't get to pick out the paint or floors.  But it's fairly cheap and very close to the college where I desire to do discipleship ministry through.  It has neighbors that need to know more of Christ.  A couple of them are youth that attend a church through a bus ministry.  It's not in a grand neighborhood.  It's got an awkward layout.  Apparently you walk through the bedroom to get to the kitchen.  But does awkward layout matter when all you desire to do is use your home to express more of Christ to people?  Does it matter that it's not fancy when you want to use the space to talk with others about Christ?  Does it matter that the external beauty is not there in a living space when ultimately everything external in this world is fading quickly?  

I am thankful for this unfancy and awkward space the Lord has provided.  This whole transition really has been okay for the most part.  Moving out of my house was tough.  Mainly because I literally had no idea what I was doing or where I was going.  I knew I needed to be in North Mississippi, but I had no specifics.  Since then the Lord is laying things out little by little.  I've had a great place to stay for a short while.  This week I have the opportunity to check out a small unfacy and awkward place when I get back next week.  Where ever He leads I'll go continues to be song daily ringing in my ears.  Next I trust the Lord will provide a job.  

This is just a brief update for those trying to figure out what now?  Truly, I don't fully know yet other than I will continue to follow the Lord.  Even when it doesn't make sense :)    

Good quote

Found this quote on Pinterest and thought it to be great truth.

I wrote this on November 7th and posted it to Facebook. 

Transitions

They are bound to happen in some form or fashion to us all.  I compare transitions in life to the way we transition when we drive.  Sometimes you can drive through places like Dallas or Atlanta traffic flawlessly driving in and out of the other cars.  Then there are moments when the driving seems to be going flawlessly for you but the car in front of you feels differently as their break lights scream at your face.  They are immediately stopping while you continue to go forward!  Don't act like you don't know what that moment feels like where everything in your car goes flying forward from the lurching stop you have to make.  If you've never experienced that you should come ride with me.  I seem to get behind these ridiculous people all the time!   

I do believe the Lord has been preparing me for transition for some time now.  However, I had literally no idea how or when it was going to happen.  The desire for ministry that my boss and I have shared for the past 7 years has been for discipleship.  It has become more than apparent that people that are in leadership above us do not share this same calling.  More or less our hands have become tied.  This struggle has been going on for 2 years now.  Finally, two weeks ago my boss and I decided it was time to step out in faith.  We both resigned from our positions through Camp Agape & Ocoee Resort Ministries.  Obviously this is the reader's digest version of all that has gone on during the past two years.  The Lord is more than aware of the intimate details, but both of us knew it was time for us to end our service at the Camp.  

The details of what is to come have been scarce because I literally had no idea what was to come.  This fall I took a two week trip to visit some different places and seek the Lord concerning my future.  The beautiful and equally frustrating part for me is that my options are basically endless.  I am single and debt free.  The sky truly is the limit for where I could go and what I could do.  My deepest concern was to be obedient to where the Lord desired for me to be.  Again, I have been seeking the Lord about this time of transition because I knew it was coming.  I just had no idea it was coming so quickly.  

Through much deliberate time with the Lord I am being lead towards collegiate ministry.  A week from Monday I hope to begin a new time of ministry in New Albany, Mississippi and having the opportunity to connect with students at Blue Mountain College.  There is potential for an on campus job that would be in the Fall of 2012.  For right now my desire is to get a part time job to pay my bills and be able to spend my free time working with students.  

Matthew 28:19 speaks of making disciples of all the nations.  Not merely making converts into a certain way of thinking, but true disciples of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  To disciple someone is to teach and train.  It is my desire to have the opportunity to teach and train college students in the deep truth of scripture.  Helping them step past the surface American culture Christianity that plagues our society.  

This is a risk for me.  I have no salary.  I have no place to stay.  I am leaving the extreme comforts of familiar people that the Lord brought into my life in Benton.  This past Friday through a strange situation of me leaving my purse at a restaurant the Lord graciously reminded me of how He is going to take care me through this process.  The same way He has taken care of me for the past 7 years.  For those that do not know I moved to Tennessee in much of the same situation with no home or salary.  I could speak for days on His provisions.  

Two weeks ago I felt like I was traveling through heavy traffic but it was going well.  Then came that car with their screaming break lights.  And life has been in a whirlwind since then.  I do believe the Lord is definitely walking me through this transition.  At this time I still don't know how it's all going to work out.  So, for now I just kind of laugh at the question, "Soooo (awkward pause) what are you going to do now that you quit your job?"  The best I can express at this point is to continue following the Lord.  Wherever He leads I'll go.  

Your prayers of course are always appreciated.  More than anything pray for my desperateness to be in the Lord's presence would grow during this time.  I will keep everyone posted as to where I land when the dust settles and the break lights aren't still screaming in my face!  

Faithfully following, 

Lindsey

Great song

Diamond in the Rough

Are you waiting for what you want or are you waiting upon the Lord?  

Waiting.  

One will be characterized by fear, panic, and anxieties.  The other will be marked by a renewed strength and a lack of weariness (Isaiah 40:31).  Waiting is a natural part of life.  Yet it is a part that our culture has tried to remove from society.  Why wait on the oven to warm up when you can use the microwave?  Why walk in to pay for gas when you can just do it at the pump?  Why go in and sit down to eat when you can just drive through and be on your way?  Why try to lose weight by eating better and working out when you could just take a pill?  The list goes on and on.  I am not against all modern conveniences.  It just seems as a whole, often they have done more harm than good.  While they make our external matters like cooking and pumping gas easier we are miserable inside because we want everything in this instant.  When the Lord does not desire something to happen in an instant we reach a point of turmoil.  Over what?  Simply having to wait.  Something that use to be a normal thing.  Farmers waited for crops to grow.  People waited for letters to be written and mailed.  It seems so simple.  Again, I am a huge fan of instant things like email and skype.  However, it burdens me that these instant external things have hindered me internally.  They have taught me impatience, greed and selfishness.  They have distanced me from my Lord.  They have taught me to be more concerned about me than Him.  

Waiting.  

What if we saw it as a gift rather than a curse?  A time to relax and trust in the Lord.  How would life change?  It’s often times like getting the horrifically ugly outfit at Christmas.  You feel forced to hold it up and express gratitude.  The whole time in your mind thinking...  “Please tell me there is a gift receipt!  PLEASE LET THEIR BE A RECEIPT!!”  You don’t want the gift.  You force a smile thinking of how could they waste a gift for you on something like that!?  What’s the focus here?  YOU!  How often do we treat the Lord with the same selfish mentality.  He chooses a time and season for us. Waiting being where I have found myself more often than not.  There are things about this season we know nothing of.  Yet in the foreknowledge of Christ He knows this is exactly what you need.  He knows that this waiting season will draw you closer to Him.  It will steady your heart for tougher situations to come.  It will help instill a greater hope and trust for things not of this earth!  He knows.  Bottom line.  Christ knows best.  Either we will learn to trust in His knowledge or we will continue to selfishly fight for our own desires.  Missing out on our strength being renewed and our weariness being defeated.  

Waiting.  

While it might not be the diamond every girl dreams of being given.  It most certainly is a diamond in the rough.  The potential for greatness is there, but will only be seen after proper polishing and refinement.  Polishing and refinement take time.  A season of waiting is necessary.  Waiting will always be an impossibility until our focus has been taken off of ourselves and placed on Christ.  Waiting is not what causes the misery we go through.  The misery is directly related to our selfishness as we are more consumed with getting what we want, than simply waiting upon the Lord.  Are you willing to appreciate the diamond in the rough and wait for it’s beauty to come forth as the Lord sees fit? 

Full Story

I had no idea the Lord's intentions by opening up the opportunity at the Boys and Girls Club this past fall. There was an assurance that it indeed was something He desired for me to do, so I took the job. I experienced a array of possibilities in seven months.

In April I felt that I had done what I needed to and should finish the job on April 28th. That thought confused me for awhile because it was a good job, a real pay check, real adult insurance, ministry to children, and I enjoyed it (for the most part). Then the Lord reminded me He had always been faithful in providing for me and would continue to do so. It also became apparent that I was not getting the one on one counseling time I wanted to get with the children. On March 29th I informed my boss that April 28th would be my last day. He said he would reluctantly take my resignation.

As April 28th drew near I had a better understanding. While the Lord allowed me to interact with children. While He showed me I can do more than I ever realized I could. While He taught me that it's okay to fail at something. He also used me to insanely organize the entire Boys & Girls Club.

Every single article in that facility was inventoried by a local college volunteer group. No stone was left unturned! Rules were posted on the walls. Schedules were created to try and adhere too. The front desk stayed clean, day in and day out. Cubbies were built to keep the children's things safe and organized. I got an email at the beginning on March that stated our facility had to be DOE (Department of Education) certified by the beginning of June. The organizational stuff is what is required for such certification. Ooohhhh... I understood it better at that moment. Getting it straightened up was what I needed to do. Getting to connect with the children was what I got to do.

That made it easier to walk away from. Since April 28th we've had two different groups at Camp. I have traveled to North Mississippi to move a friend out of her college dorm. Tonight was the first night I have been home while the sun was still out!

April 28th was also the day I finished up my school. Praise the Lord! Not only did I finish for the semester. I finished for my lifetime! Grades are in and I officially have a Master's in Biblical Counseling. In the past week I have read two books that I got to choose!

Summertime is fast approaching. Summer missionaries will be here May 23rd. Let the good times keep rollin'.

Yes

I am still alive.

April 28th will be my last day at the Boys & Girls Club.

April 29th-30th we have a group I'm helping to feed at Camp.

May 1st is my last day of school including finals and a book review.

May 2-3 I am running away.

I shall return back to real life on May 4th.

May 6th our first mission team of the summer arrives.

Life is good...

In the mean time check out this great song.

Heavy Load

I took the weight of their world home on my shoulders last night. Several tough conversations with some of my teen girls just broke my heart yesterday. The things they have to experience and feel... They simply are not fair. I have such a beautiful, loving and simple life, but they do not.

One of the girls came in my office and just stood there. Then she asked for some tape. So, I gave it to her and she left. Then she came back asking for some scissors. I gave those to her and she left. Then she brought them both back so I finally asked what was wrong. After 10 minutes of convincing her I was the smartest person in the world and I knew she wasn't just tired but for some reason her heart was hurting she finally broke down. All I could do was sit and listen.

Finally I looked at her and told her that almost everyday I wanted to take her and her brother home with me. She just grinned. I explained how it wasn't fair what she was going through and I had no way to fix it. This girl actually goes to church on occasion so we then got to talk about the Lord. She learned a huge word called sovereignty... She learned about how Satan's greatest tool is to make is think that lies are truth and that truth is just lies... I expressed to her how taking her from her hurts wouldn't help her in the long run because one day she was going to be able to help people that hurt just like her. However, that wasn't going to happen until God began to heal her hurts first. Then I reassured her the full possibilities of God being a Healer.

Sovereignty is a tough one to understand for anyone. I struggled with it all night last night. At the end of the day though God is still God. And there is not one single thing on this earth He is unaware of. Please keep praying for these children as the only hope they truly have is the Lord. Most people that I know are able to rely on family, jobs, credit cards, etc for love and provision. This child will have neither of those. She will either turn to the Lord or the world will overtake her. It's that simple. There is no middle class or middle ground like most of us have.

Here's the reality though...

In a sense she is so much better off then we will ever be. If and when she realizes that she fully desires to surrender her life to Christ she will be so much more devoted than we are. Our lives are so distracted with stupid things that are only found in this world. We claim to love the Lord yet the temporal things of this world mean so much more than anything eternal. So, should I pray for her to have a life that's more comfortable like mine or should I be praying I have a life more desperate like hers?

That's the question for today...

Haiti #5: Haiti Highlights

There are lots of other post to read before this one about Haiti!

Soccer

One afternoon we walked to another community to play some soccer. Soccer is HUGE basically everywhere in the world other than America. So here goes three white guys, a white girl and a translator to play soccer. We are all fully prepared for a humbling experience due to our lack of soccer intensity. During the walk we end up being taken to a church in this area that had been greatly impacted by the earthquake. I use the word "church" as in building very loosely. We would not have considered it a building by any stretch of the imagination, but the Haitians did.

While the guys were inside talking to some of the local men I found some kids outside and used the power of tickling. It's such a universal connector. The kids giggled and laughed as this white person chased them around. We moved on after a bit to the soccer field. After this we were taken by a few of the homes of people in this area to pray with them.

Then to the soccer field. Part of the field was soccer field and part was a tent city. It was the largest wide open space in the community so they had to put up tents there. Several children ran out to us to see what we were doing. Again I just tickled and played tag with them for awhile. The more we ran around the more it seemed to draw the children out. Two of the guys began to play soccer withs some of the boys while I continued playing with the girls and little kiddos.

Then I decided to try to express to them the greatest thing in the world. As I knelt on the ground they all gathered around. One of them stepped on my skirt and got it dirty which made one of the older girls start yelling like crazy at the little one. Then she kneels down to wipe off the foot print. That was amazing to watch. Anyways... I drew a cross in the ground and said "Jezi" that means Jesus. Then I drew a heart in the dirt and they taught me how to say love. For the next 10 minutes through drawings in the sand they got to hear how Jesus loves them.

Orphanage

We spent an afternoon at an orphanage. It was large in size because it wasn't just an orphanage. A local pastor and his wife had six children of their own. After the earthquake they took in another twelve children. Tents were set up in the backyard to house these children. Each child actually had a bed or at least a blow up mattress. For our American standards it was much, but for Haiti these children were well cared for.

This was Thursday afternoon and God had continued on with his theme for me to be still (Psalm 46:10). I didn't interact tons with the children. More than anything I found myself just watching them only playing with a few of them. We were walking out of the gate and this little girl grabs me and wants my undivided attention. I stop and look at her as she is trying to speak to me in Creole. Once she finally understands I can't understand anything she's saying she starts singing. Below you will see what she sings to me in perfect English.

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you for being faithful to come and love me.

She sings those three lines over and over.

I hug her and walk out the gate.

As we were walking back to our house I walked in tears. Asking the Lord why He allowed such a beautiful thing to happen to me. Psalm 46:10 comes up again. Apparently I had been missing a critical part of that verse as God shared what I had been forgetting when I re read it once we got home.

Psalm 46:10 "Cease striving (or Be Still) and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

You see I am a habitual worker by nature. I love to do and accomplish things. During this mission trip doing was not what I did the most of. In that moment God was reminding me that He will be exalted among the nations! How else do you describe a little Haitian girl singing completely perfect english to me? Doing isn't always God's answer. Sometimes being still is His desire because in the end HE WILL BE EXALTED AMONG THE NATIONS. His word promises us that.

Friday morning

Thursday morning at the VBS I noticed a little girl in the back sitting down. I walked back there to see what she was doing. Turns out her little brother had fallen asleep and she laid him on a piece of plywood. I went back and wordlessly expressed to her I would sit with him and watch him. This is what I did Thursday at VBS. When this little guy finally woke up he did what most do, he tickled. Only difference is he was not wearing any diaper. My heart began to break. His sister happened to come back over at this point so she stood him up and we took his shorts off of him. Then I put him in my arms and held him for a long while so she could go play with the other children.

Friday morning as we walked to the VBS I see my little friend waddling through the streets as he is barely old enough to walk. I put him in my arms and carry him to the church with me. This morning started as the rest with singing. Some of the songs were fun but there was one in particular that was repetitive. We repeated Hallelujah several times. Then we repeated the words Merci Jezi. If we were in American we would have repeated Thank you Jesus.

At that moment I was broken. Here I sat holding a little baby Haitian in my arms who had fallen asleep while we were singing. While other little ones were pushing to sit closer and closer to me. We sang the same song worshiping the same God. We came from two different worlds yet at that moment all had the same heart beat.

I had some intense flashbacks to the video I said was shared to me about a little boy named Hudson. I cried more this morning than I had all week as I wept over this child praying for his life as he was still fast asleep.

Below is the video...

My profile picture is my little Hudson. I call him that because I have no idea what his name was, but I will never forget feeling his heartbeat as he slept in my arms. Nor will I ever forget hearing those words... "This is my Hudson."

I know this has been a long post but if you have another 8 minutes please watch this video.

Still coming.

More about Haiti to come. Must take a break for the day though.

Haiti #4: Day 2-5

Go back a few post to read those first!

It was rather strange to wake up on a couch in another country. You wake up to different sounds, sites, and smells. Rather than seeing walls around you I open my eyes to look over the balcony and see rubble in Haiti. I hear Haitian voices up and going as well as the goats and chickens that talked all night. My first night I slept like a rock.

Each day we woke up around 6:30 and started getting ready for the day. With no distractions of phone, internet, television, or really anything else spending time in the Word seemed easier. Being in a place where I knew I needed the Lord to get me threw also proved another reason to be in His presence. It wasn't an option, but a necessity.

Breakfast consisted of whatever granola bars you brought to eat. Brushing your teeth was done by water you used from your water bottle. They brought us big bottles of water each day that we filled our water bottles up with. Then as a group we gathered to seek the Lord through His word. These were amazing times each morning as 18 people form 18 different backgrounds gathered for a common cause. To know the Lord more fully.

There were a few people on the team that came with a friend, but as a whole no one knew each other before the trip. The youngest was 18 and the oldest was 52. Most were around my age group and still single. It was encouraging to see that. Being stuck out in the hills of Tennessee I often feel like I must be the only person living a crazy life like I do. I am not is what I learned on this trip. There is a generation of people out there who's desire is to serve the Lord through their years of singleness, yet still have a true heart's desire for marriage one day.

After our time together we prepared for the VBS with a school down the street. There was probably around 100-200 or so children the throughout the week and it was INSANE! There school seemed to be about 12 ft x 12ft building. I'm sure it was bigger than that but it was not very big at all. Whew, it was a small space!! Different groups prepared different activities such as songs, crafts, bible study, games. I didn't feel a strong pull towards any of the groups so when we got there I just went out among the children.

I sat among the children just holding them, giving them high fives and trying to communicate as well as possible. Mostly they liked to feel the hair on my arms the first day. On day 2 a few of the girls must have spent an entire hour playing with my hair. It felt totally different from their hair.

After an exhausting VBS time we would head back to our house for lunch which was peanut butter sandwiches and chips each day.

Afternoon times consisted of different things. A couple of the days we broke up into smaller groups and went door to door with a translator speaking to people about the Lord. One afternoon we went to an orphanage at a pastor's house. He and his wife already had six children and had taken in twelve more children. Then one afternoon I went a couple of guys to another community to play soccer. That was an incredible afternoon. One afternoon I went with a group to help remove rubble from their church that had basically collapsed during the earthquake. Lots of different things were done during our afternoons.

Dinner was cooked by the people who's house we were staying in. It was amazing! Basically it was a meat, rice/beans, fried potatoes, fried plantains and something else I'm not sure what it was. Looked to be a salad of some sort... Resembled my grandmother's jello salad stuff. Yeah, I didn't try it. The rest of the food was AWESOME!! One night I heard someone talking about how this meat tasted different. Then someone else said it was beef. I then ask if anyone had seen any cows since we had been in Haiti? Negative. It was goat. And it was good!

In the evenings after dinner we would go back to the church where they were actually having revival. Then we'd come home and usually hang out on the roof top with everyone talking about the day.

After the first night, Val and I slept up on the roof under the stars. It was BEAUTIFUL!! Especially on nights when all the power was out because the stars were so bright. Everyone learned to keep flashlights readily available as the power outages were often and even comical.

I have no idea how to write in words about each day but that basically hits the highlights. I'm going to explain the rest of the highlights through a few more post.

Haiti #3: Finally, Day 1

Read here, here, and here first. And to look at pictures go here.

Then move onto this post!

Just in case you were wondering... Yes, I was concerned about going on this trip. Riots, cholera, here's the biggest one though... People I don't know. Not a happy thought for me. It's been true since my younger days that I do not play well with others. Especially, strangers. It's Monday morning and I'm thinking the same thoughts I had been thinking for over a month.

What in the world am I doing?

WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?

I don't know anyone. I'm going to a place where people keep dying. I'm exhausted from my new job and would really like to take a week and just rest. What was I thinking??!!?

Then I remember the video I talked about in my last post about a boy named Hudson.

If a riot happens. God will take care of me. If I get cholera. God will take care of me. How will I see hurting children and not be able to help. God will take care of me. Amongst a group of strangers. God will take care of me. This trip is about the Lord, not me. Again... He says to be still and know that He is God.

I get up bright and early that morning and head to Atlanta airport. Once I get to the gate I meet up with the guy I'm flying with. He's an 18 yr old kid who seems to love the Lord. We fly to Miami and hang out for several hours. On the flight to Haiti from Miami he gets real nervous. I finally ask why...

He had lost his wallet.

Long story short someone in Miami turned his wallet in and called his mom! wow!!

The flight to Haiti other than that was great. I sat next to a couple who was going to work with Samaritan's purse to help with cholera. We had great discussions about the Lord that reminded me He had indeed sent me on this trip even for that moment.

When we landed in Haiti and my feet hit Haitian ground I felt one of those beautiful calm moments. I was suppose to be here. Despite the past few months of dramatics. I was right where I was suppose to be.

Praise the Lord for that feeling because little did I know the next few hours of chaos that were coming.

Adventures in Missions had 3 teams in Haiti the week I was there. When we got to the airport we met up with some folks from the the other teams. They eventually met up with their leaders. Alex (the guy I flew with), myself and Val another girl on our team were still at the airport looking for a bag of Val's. Turns out it didn't make it. Most everyone is gone now but us and some Haitians. In walks an American guy with an Adventures in Mission shirt on. He was like I think ya'll are suppose to be with us. We ask about our leaders. He then informs us that that trip (the one we were suppose to be on) wouldn't be starting until Wednesday because the rest of the team (other than us) was stuck up north in the blizzard. Oh great.

The three of us just kind of looked at each other like. Oh okay.

So we just loaded up and went with this guy.

The bus ride felt like it took FOREVER!!! It's well after dark now and we left Atlanta at 7:45am. The roads were not roads. They were paths with potholes big enough to sink a ship in. On this great ride we realize chaos moment # 2. One of the girls on this team talks about bringing her tent has a carry on. I look at Val and asked if she brought a tent. She said no.

You see, our team was not suppose to bring tents, but there team was. Awesome. Here we are with no team and now no tent. Still, I am suppose to be here.

We get to the house where the other team is. Well, we get close to it. Due to the rubble our bus can't actually fit down the street so we have to get off the bus and walk in the dark down the street a little ways to the house with all our luggage.

We get into the house and that's when I realize culture difference #1. The electricity there only works on occasion. So, we walk in this dark house and have to get out our flash lights. There is some food on a table and we go get some of that. Here I sit in a dark room with about 15 other people I don't know eating food I can't see. Then I have to pee.

Oh the bathroom is right there. Then I hear... (Culture difference #2) By the way don't flush the toilet paper, put it in the trashcan. I walk into the bathroom and shut the door. Looking for the light switch. Junk! there's no electricity and I left my flash light by my food. I manage to go and find toilet paper and the trash can in the dark. Then I get up to wash my hands and realize no wait you can't use the water or I might die of cholera! Last thing I want to do is poop myself to death. Oh dear it's going to be a long week.

I go back to my plate as I'm eating I hear someone talk about what it is. I comment that the piece of meat had a good spice to it. Then I hear someone say, "oh you must have eaten a piece of goat." Luckily it was dark so my expression wasn't seen. As I think my gag reflexes kicked in a bit. Then I realized. It tasted really good! Who cares if it was goat!

The night rolls on. We have to wash our dishes. In the dark. In a bucket of water with lots of bleach by using flashlights. Good times.

We load up 11 people. Luggage for 9 people. In a truck meant to carry 5 people. As many of us are sitting on top of our luggage in the back of our truck our leader tells us to try and not draw attention to ourselves.

I look at one of the people on my team and said. It's after dark. We have 6 white people hanging on for dear life in this truck with a Haitian driver... How do we not draw attention?

Finally we make it to the house we are staying at. Turns out Val and I found two couches under a covered "porch." We stayed here the first night because the locals said it was suppose to rain so we shouldn't be on the roof with no tent. I got my ear plugs out and passed out to the faint sound of chickens, goats, and Haitians scurrying about. Val borrowed stuff she didn't have in her carry on and we discussed the chaos of the day before we went to sleep. I realized through her God was already taking care of me. I do better with one on one. Had we been in our own tents that night Val and I wouldn't have shared the time together that we did. The chaos was a blessing.

What a day.

Oh and by the way... After I left Miami and had to tell my family I would talk to them on Saturday. There was no way for me to contact them once I got there. I was worried they wouldn't sleep all week. I fall asleep that night hoping they were resting because I was perfectly okay.

Haiti #2: Pre-trip dramatics

Refer to previous post of Haiti #1 prior to reading this one.

So, I know I'm going to Haiti. I don't remember the exact timeline of everything but I remember not telling many people at all at first. I'm pretty sure I paid for the trip before I told hardly anyone. Then I had to get shots, shots, and more shots. A physical so I could say I had a doctor since I never go to one. All I kept thinking was this is getting pricey! Then I would have a random person from here and there hand me cash which oddly enough seemed to pay the bill that I held in my other hand. Between what I had in savings and other money God provided the trip was paid for.

Then comes the cholera in Haiti.

Not good...

Then come the riots in Haiti.

Again, not good.

Oh and did I mention I started a new job during all this process too at the Boys and Girls Club. Originally had trip scheduled for November, but backed it up to December because of new job. Just in time for the riots to get good and heavy! That change in date made my plane ticket go from 350 up to $800. Awesome.

One day I thought who would have ever believed it would be safer to go to Africa...

I was questioning the Lord about this trip one day and I went back to Psalm 46 where He spoke again.

Psalm 46:6-9a "The nations rage, the kingdoms totter; he utters his voice, the earth melts. The Lord of hosts is with us: the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah. Come, behold the works of the Lord, how he has brought desolations on the earth. He makes wars cease to the end of the earth: he breaks the bow and shatters the spear: he burns the chariots with fire. Be still and know that I am God..."

He makes wars to cease. It didn't matter that a couple of weeks prior to my departure, flights were cancelled because of war. I was still suppose to go.

I planned it to where I left for Texas on December 19-26. The 26th I flew back to Atlanta and changed my bags that were already packed in my car. Spent the night in Atlanta and got up early Monday morning December 27th the fly to Haiti.

So, I am packing for two weeks going to two totally different places on Dec. 17. My house was destroyed!

And I can't find my passport.

I thought it was in a certain spot earlier in the week. I think I kept avoiding looking for it because I had no idea what I would do if I couldn't find it. Wednesday I looked where I thought it should be. It was not there. That's okay it's probably in my office. Thursday revealed it was not in my office. Oh crap! The secretary at camp even went through my office too. No luck. I'll find it. There is one more place it could be in my house. Friday night revealed it was not there either. OH CRAP!!

Late Friday night or should I say early Saturday morning I go to bed with tears in my eyes. I said okay God if I haven't found it by tomorrow at lunch I will email and tell them I cannot make it on this trip. Saturday morning I search my entire house AGAIN!

In a wicker box next to my TV was a stack of Southern Living Magazines. In the middle of that stack of magazines I found my passport. First thought? Who in the world put that there??

Whew passport found. Rejoicing was heard throughout my house! I finished packing that day for both trips. Two bags, two carry ons, two different trips.

Sang with the choir for Christmas Sunday morning and headed to Atlanta then Texas on Monday morning.

Tuesday got up and started calling around because I still don't have my Malaria pills or the 47 other pills and precautionary things my dear sweet mom wanted me to have. They can't get me an appointment until the next day and it's in Dallas, ugh. Wednesday I load up my niece and nephew and we venture to Dallas! What a fun day.

Get back that night and the company I am going with sends out an email that basically says... Hey things are still unsafe in Haiti so if you want to cancel your trip please feel free to do so for a full refund. What?? Sorry, but no I didn't inform my family of this one. I had to pray about this. At this point I am still concerned too because it's just dangerous. I feel the Lord use Psalm 46:10 again for me to be still and know that He is God. And I remember a video shared by another sweet and wonderful friend of mine and thought about a little boy named Hudson.

Friday night my brother calls and said, "Sis you need to check the weather in Atlanta, I just heard they are canceling flights." I was suppose to fly out on Sunday. I thought you have GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! Sure enough I check the weather. Atlanta is suppose to be having their first white Christmas on Saturday since 1882. YES, THE YEAR 1882!

What do I do? I sat in awe for awhile. Then finally decided Saturday I would get up and pack my bags assuming that Sunday I will fly out. Sure enough they were canceling flights on Saturday. Actually most all flights other than American Airlines were canceled for the weekend.

I flew to Atlanta Sunday and landed amidst snowflakes. I got to the place where I parked my car and found a nearby hotel. It had arrived. I would be leaving for Haiti in just a few hours.

Whew... I sat alone in a hotel room amidst my thoughts.

There was still potential for riots to outbreak while I was there. There were still people dying from cholera which is found in water that I would be in contact with. The snow was falling in Atlanta at the airport. As I tried to lay down to sleep that night I kept sneezing and coughing. Apparently, I was allergic to whatever the bedding was made out of. So, I got out my sleeping pad I would be using in Haiti and my blanket and slept on the floor that night of this swanky hotel. Preparing my mind and body for the week ahead.

Haiti Pictures

Check out my pictures HERE!

Will work on videos later.

On this page you can also see other pictures from people that were on the trip. Take time to look at those as well! they look way more than I did.

Haiti #1: Who, what, when, where and why of Haiti

Since high school I can remember having a desire to go on an international mission trip. I didn't really know anyone who had ever been, but I knew it was something that would be part of my life. A few years ago I was able to go to Egypt and it was a great experience. Traveling across the world by myself was a little tough, but still awesome. Especially my spur of the moment bus trip into Paris. Anyways... Back to Haiti.

For several years I have looked off and on for another mission trip to go on. It had been a long time since I could remember sitting down to search for a trip online before this past September. Summer had come to a close and I was landing from that ride when I spent one evening looking up a possible trip. I knew my schedule was soon to slow down and I felt the desire to go... That night it had also been awhile since I had had uninterrupted time with the Lord so I turned off all electronics and spent time with Him. Later that night is when I turned on the computer to look for a trip. In my search I found two different trips with groups I knew people had had good experiences with.

One trip was to Haiti and one was to Africa. The Africa one cost ALOT more money, but I've always wanted to go to Africa. I was torn. Money wasn't an issue. Not because I have a large amount, but because God has never not provided for me. I knew He would. I turned off the computer and got back to His word. Somehow I ended up on Psalm 46. You should go read it. I will tell you the verse where I knew I was being told where to go...

Psalm 46:1-3 "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at is swelling."

Haiti had be ravished by an earthquake (vs. 2)! All they have left is to know that God is their refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble (vs.1). I knew I was going to Haiti at that moment. Then came the flood of questions of how, when, why, etc...

I got off the computer and turned my phone back on to which I had a voicemail. It was the voice of a summer missionary who has turned into an amazing friend. She was leading worship for her church that night and decided to sing one of her songs for me. Since I didn't answer she left a voicemail. She was singing "Our God" by Chris Tomlin.

I wept as I heard her singing because again I knew God was answering my questions of how in the world I would go on this trip and why I would go. I would go because our God is greater! And I felt that I was going to encourage Haiti to look to our great God! I cried alot that night because I knew the Lord had spoken to me. And I cried because I knew I was going on an international trip which was a long standing request I had made to the Lord. This all happened the beginning of September...

Finally... Haiti.

I know it's been far too long with no words on Haiti. Today I am working on putting pictures online for you to see. I didn't take tons, but I do have a good bit of videos. Now, I'm trying to figure out the best way to put those online cause I got a loooot of them.

It's crazy to think that this time one month ago I was sleeping on a roof in Haiti...

To be honest I haven't really even looked back at my pictures very much since I got back. The trip was awesome I just can't figure out how to put it into words to where it would make sense to anyone. Due to my cheapness I brought back some rocks from Haiti. I'm not sure if that was completely legal, but I didn't see any signs that said I couldn't. Part of me thinks that re-telling what happened will be like looking at those rocks. To me those rocks say a million different things. But to everyone else, they are just rocks. Similar to what you can pick up out of your driveway. For me those rocks represent sites, sounds, smells, and faces that will never be forgotten. Bare with me as I try to explain some of that to a few folks who have patiently waited to hear.

I jotted down notes from each day so I suppose I will just do a blog entry per day...

So for the next little while...

Welcome to Haiti from my eyes.

Winter wonderland

Not a drop of precipitation on the ground when I went to sleep last night.

Below is what I woke up to this morning! It was beautiful!

Nine days ago I was wearing sandals in Haiti... Today I put on my

knee high mud boots to keep my feet dry when a friend came to pick me up.

Desi update

Two months later and Desi's heart is beginning to have glimpses of a softness. Before Christmas break one day I walked into the Club from picking up kiddos and I hear Desi call my name. She comes over to me and says, "Guess what!?!" So I ask, "What?" Then this is what she says with a huge smile...

"I had a great day today!"

I just grinned and hugged her! A day that was not miserable for Desi. What a joy...

After Christmas break I come in after picking up kids again and find 3 pictures on my desk all by none other than Ms. Desi! Still not 100% sure what I'm doing at that place, but Desi does not feel miserable everyday.

Yes, I went to Haiti over Christmas break. I have pictures and videos that I am working on getting on my computer as I type this blog.

Stay tuned for more...