I took the weight of their world home on my shoulders last night. Several tough conversations with some of my teen girls just broke my heart yesterday. The things they have to experience and feel... They simply are not fair. I have such a beautiful, loving and simple life, but they do not.
One of the girls came in my office and just stood there. Then she asked for some tape. So, I gave it to her and she left. Then she came back asking for some scissors. I gave those to her and she left. Then she brought them both back so I finally asked what was wrong. After 10 minutes of convincing her I was the smartest person in the world and I knew she wasn't just tired but for some reason her heart was hurting she finally broke down. All I could do was sit and listen.
Finally I looked at her and told her that almost everyday I wanted to take her and her brother home with me. She just grinned. I explained how it wasn't fair what she was going through and I had no way to fix it. This girl actually goes to church on occasion so we then got to talk about the Lord. She learned a huge word called sovereignty... She learned about how Satan's greatest tool is to make is think that lies are truth and that truth is just lies... I expressed to her how taking her from her hurts wouldn't help her in the long run because one day she was going to be able to help people that hurt just like her. However, that wasn't going to happen until God began to heal her hurts first. Then I reassured her the full possibilities of God being a Healer.
Sovereignty is a tough one to understand for anyone. I struggled with it all night last night. At the end of the day though God is still God. And there is not one single thing on this earth He is unaware of. Please keep praying for these children as the only hope they truly have is the Lord. Most people that I know are able to rely on family, jobs, credit cards, etc for love and provision. This child will have neither of those. She will either turn to the Lord or the world will overtake her. It's that simple. There is no middle class or middle ground like most of us have.
Here's the reality though...
In a sense she is so much better off then we will ever be. If and when she realizes that she fully desires to surrender her life to Christ she will be so much more devoted than we are. Our lives are so distracted with stupid things that are only found in this world. We claim to love the Lord yet the temporal things of this world mean so much more than anything eternal. So, should I pray for her to have a life that's more comfortable like mine or should I be praying I have a life more desperate like hers?
There are lots of other post to read before this one about Haiti!
Soccer
One afternoon we walked to another community to play some soccer. Soccer is HUGE basically everywhere in the world other than America. So here goes three white guys, a white girl and a translator to play soccer. We are all fully prepared for a humbling experience due to our lack of soccer intensity. During the walk we end up being taken to a church in this area that had been greatly impacted by the earthquake. I use the word "church" as in building very loosely. We would not have considered it a building by any stretch of the imagination, but the Haitians did.
While the guys were inside talking to some of the local men I found some kids outside and used the power of tickling. It's such a universal connector. The kids giggled and laughed as this white person chased them around. We moved on after a bit to the soccer field. After this we were taken by a few of the homes of people in this area to pray with them.
Then to the soccer field. Part of the field was soccer field and part was a tent city. It was the largest wide open space in the community so they had to put up tents there. Several children ran out to us to see what we were doing. Again I just tickled and played tag with them for awhile. The more we ran around the more it seemed to draw the children out. Two of the guys began to play soccer withs some of the boys while I continued playing with the girls and little kiddos.
Then I decided to try to express to them the greatest thing in the world. As I knelt on the ground they all gathered around. One of them stepped on my skirt and got it dirty which made one of the older girls start yelling like crazy at the little one. Then she kneels down to wipe off the foot print. That was amazing to watch. Anyways... I drew a cross in the ground and said "Jezi" that means Jesus. Then I drew a heart in the dirt and they taught me how to say love. For the next 10 minutes through drawings in the sand they got to hear how Jesus loves them.
Orphanage
We spent an afternoon at an orphanage. It was large in size because it wasn't just an orphanage. A local pastor and his wife had six children of their own. After the earthquake they took in another twelve children. Tents were set up in the backyard to house these children. Each child actually had a bed or at least a blow up mattress. For our American standards it was much, but for Haiti these children were well cared for.
This was Thursday afternoon and God had continued on with his theme for me to be still (Psalm 46:10). I didn't interact tons with the children. More than anything I found myself just watching them only playing with a few of them. We were walking out of the gate and this little girl grabs me and wants my undivided attention. I stop and look at her as she is trying to speak to me in Creole. Once she finally understands I can't understand anything she's saying she starts singing. Below you will see what she sings to me in perfect English.
Thank you for loving me.
Thank you for loving me.
Thank you for being faithful to come and love me.
She sings those three lines over and over.
I hug her and walk out the gate.
As we were walking back to our house I walked in tears. Asking the Lord why He allowed such a beautiful thing to happen to me. Psalm 46:10 comes up again. Apparently I had been missing a critical part of that verse as God shared what I had been forgetting when I re read it once we got home.
Psalm 46:10 "Cease striving (or Be Still) and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
You see I am a habitual worker by nature. I love to do and accomplish things. During this mission trip doing was not what I did the most of. In that moment God was reminding me that He will be exalted among the nations! How else do you describe a little Haitian girl singing completely perfect english to me? Doing isn't always God's answer. Sometimes being still is His desire because in the end HE WILL BE EXALTED AMONG THE NATIONS. His word promises us that.
Friday morning
Thursday morning at the VBS I noticed a little girl in the back sitting down. I walked back there to see what she was doing. Turns out her little brother had fallen asleep and she laid him on a piece of plywood. I went back and wordlessly expressed to her I would sit with him and watch him. This is what I did Thursday at VBS. When this little guy finally woke up he did what most do, he tickled. Only difference is he was not wearing any diaper. My heart began to break. His sister happened to come back over at this point so she stood him up and we took his shorts off of him. Then I put him in my arms and held him for a long while so she could go play with the other children.
Friday morning as we walked to the VBS I see my little friend waddling through the streets as he is barely old enough to walk. I put him in my arms and carry him to the church with me. This morning started as the rest with singing. Some of the songs were fun but there was one in particular that was repetitive. We repeated Hallelujah several times. Then we repeated the words Merci Jezi. If we were in American we would have repeated Thank you Jesus.
At that moment I was broken. Here I sat holding a little baby Haitian in my arms who had fallen asleep while we were singing. While other little ones were pushing to sit closer and closer to me. We sang the same song worshiping the same God. We came from two different worlds yet at that moment all had the same heart beat.
I had some intense flashbacks to the video I said was shared to me about a little boy named Hudson. I cried more this morning than I had all week as I wept over this child praying for his life as he was still fast asleep.
Below is the video...
My profile picture is my little Hudson. I call him that because I have no idea what his name was, but I will never forget feeling his heartbeat as he slept in my arms. Nor will I ever forget hearing those words... "This is my Hudson."
I know this has been a long post but if you have another 8 minutes please watch this video.
