I wrote this on November 7th and posted it to Facebook. 

Transitions

They are bound to happen in some form or fashion to us all.  I compare transitions in life to the way we transition when we drive.  Sometimes you can drive through places like Dallas or Atlanta traffic flawlessly driving in and out of the other cars.  Then there are moments when the driving seems to be going flawlessly for you but the car in front of you feels differently as their break lights scream at your face.  They are immediately stopping while you continue to go forward!  Don't act like you don't know what that moment feels like where everything in your car goes flying forward from the lurching stop you have to make.  If you've never experienced that you should come ride with me.  I seem to get behind these ridiculous people all the time!   

I do believe the Lord has been preparing me for transition for some time now.  However, I had literally no idea how or when it was going to happen.  The desire for ministry that my boss and I have shared for the past 7 years has been for discipleship.  It has become more than apparent that people that are in leadership above us do not share this same calling.  More or less our hands have become tied.  This struggle has been going on for 2 years now.  Finally, two weeks ago my boss and I decided it was time to step out in faith.  We both resigned from our positions through Camp Agape & Ocoee Resort Ministries.  Obviously this is the reader's digest version of all that has gone on during the past two years.  The Lord is more than aware of the intimate details, but both of us knew it was time for us to end our service at the Camp.  

The details of what is to come have been scarce because I literally had no idea what was to come.  This fall I took a two week trip to visit some different places and seek the Lord concerning my future.  The beautiful and equally frustrating part for me is that my options are basically endless.  I am single and debt free.  The sky truly is the limit for where I could go and what I could do.  My deepest concern was to be obedient to where the Lord desired for me to be.  Again, I have been seeking the Lord about this time of transition because I knew it was coming.  I just had no idea it was coming so quickly.  

Through much deliberate time with the Lord I am being lead towards collegiate ministry.  A week from Monday I hope to begin a new time of ministry in New Albany, Mississippi and having the opportunity to connect with students at Blue Mountain College.  There is potential for an on campus job that would be in the Fall of 2012.  For right now my desire is to get a part time job to pay my bills and be able to spend my free time working with students.  

Matthew 28:19 speaks of making disciples of all the nations.  Not merely making converts into a certain way of thinking, but true disciples of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  To disciple someone is to teach and train.  It is my desire to have the opportunity to teach and train college students in the deep truth of scripture.  Helping them step past the surface American culture Christianity that plagues our society.  

This is a risk for me.  I have no salary.  I have no place to stay.  I am leaving the extreme comforts of familiar people that the Lord brought into my life in Benton.  This past Friday through a strange situation of me leaving my purse at a restaurant the Lord graciously reminded me of how He is going to take care me through this process.  The same way He has taken care of me for the past 7 years.  For those that do not know I moved to Tennessee in much of the same situation with no home or salary.  I could speak for days on His provisions.  

Two weeks ago I felt like I was traveling through heavy traffic but it was going well.  Then came that car with their screaming break lights.  And life has been in a whirlwind since then.  I do believe the Lord is definitely walking me through this transition.  At this time I still don't know how it's all going to work out.  So, for now I just kind of laugh at the question, "Soooo (awkward pause) what are you going to do now that you quit your job?"  The best I can express at this point is to continue following the Lord.  Wherever He leads I'll go.  

Your prayers of course are always appreciated.  More than anything pray for my desperateness to be in the Lord's presence would grow during this time.  I will keep everyone posted as to where I land when the dust settles and the break lights aren't still screaming in my face!  

Faithfully following, 

Lindsey

Great song

Diamond in the Rough

Are you waiting for what you want or are you waiting upon the Lord?  

Waiting.  

One will be characterized by fear, panic, and anxieties.  The other will be marked by a renewed strength and a lack of weariness (Isaiah 40:31).  Waiting is a natural part of life.  Yet it is a part that our culture has tried to remove from society.  Why wait on the oven to warm up when you can use the microwave?  Why walk in to pay for gas when you can just do it at the pump?  Why go in and sit down to eat when you can just drive through and be on your way?  Why try to lose weight by eating better and working out when you could just take a pill?  The list goes on and on.  I am not against all modern conveniences.  It just seems as a whole, often they have done more harm than good.  While they make our external matters like cooking and pumping gas easier we are miserable inside because we want everything in this instant.  When the Lord does not desire something to happen in an instant we reach a point of turmoil.  Over what?  Simply having to wait.  Something that use to be a normal thing.  Farmers waited for crops to grow.  People waited for letters to be written and mailed.  It seems so simple.  Again, I am a huge fan of instant things like email and skype.  However, it burdens me that these instant external things have hindered me internally.  They have taught me impatience, greed and selfishness.  They have distanced me from my Lord.  They have taught me to be more concerned about me than Him.  

Waiting.  

What if we saw it as a gift rather than a curse?  A time to relax and trust in the Lord.  How would life change?  It’s often times like getting the horrifically ugly outfit at Christmas.  You feel forced to hold it up and express gratitude.  The whole time in your mind thinking...  “Please tell me there is a gift receipt!  PLEASE LET THEIR BE A RECEIPT!!”  You don’t want the gift.  You force a smile thinking of how could they waste a gift for you on something like that!?  What’s the focus here?  YOU!  How often do we treat the Lord with the same selfish mentality.  He chooses a time and season for us. Waiting being where I have found myself more often than not.  There are things about this season we know nothing of.  Yet in the foreknowledge of Christ He knows this is exactly what you need.  He knows that this waiting season will draw you closer to Him.  It will steady your heart for tougher situations to come.  It will help instill a greater hope and trust for things not of this earth!  He knows.  Bottom line.  Christ knows best.  Either we will learn to trust in His knowledge or we will continue to selfishly fight for our own desires.  Missing out on our strength being renewed and our weariness being defeated.  

Waiting.  

While it might not be the diamond every girl dreams of being given.  It most certainly is a diamond in the rough.  The potential for greatness is there, but will only be seen after proper polishing and refinement.  Polishing and refinement take time.  A season of waiting is necessary.  Waiting will always be an impossibility until our focus has been taken off of ourselves and placed on Christ.  Waiting is not what causes the misery we go through.  The misery is directly related to our selfishness as we are more consumed with getting what we want, than simply waiting upon the Lord.  Are you willing to appreciate the diamond in the rough and wait for it’s beauty to come forth as the Lord sees fit? 

Full Story

I had no idea the Lord's intentions by opening up the opportunity at the Boys and Girls Club this past fall. There was an assurance that it indeed was something He desired for me to do, so I took the job. I experienced a array of possibilities in seven months.

In April I felt that I had done what I needed to and should finish the job on April 28th. That thought confused me for awhile because it was a good job, a real pay check, real adult insurance, ministry to children, and I enjoyed it (for the most part). Then the Lord reminded me He had always been faithful in providing for me and would continue to do so. It also became apparent that I was not getting the one on one counseling time I wanted to get with the children. On March 29th I informed my boss that April 28th would be my last day. He said he would reluctantly take my resignation.

As April 28th drew near I had a better understanding. While the Lord allowed me to interact with children. While He showed me I can do more than I ever realized I could. While He taught me that it's okay to fail at something. He also used me to insanely organize the entire Boys & Girls Club.

Every single article in that facility was inventoried by a local college volunteer group. No stone was left unturned! Rules were posted on the walls. Schedules were created to try and adhere too. The front desk stayed clean, day in and day out. Cubbies were built to keep the children's things safe and organized. I got an email at the beginning on March that stated our facility had to be DOE (Department of Education) certified by the beginning of June. The organizational stuff is what is required for such certification. Ooohhhh... I understood it better at that moment. Getting it straightened up was what I needed to do. Getting to connect with the children was what I got to do.

That made it easier to walk away from. Since April 28th we've had two different groups at Camp. I have traveled to North Mississippi to move a friend out of her college dorm. Tonight was the first night I have been home while the sun was still out!

April 28th was also the day I finished up my school. Praise the Lord! Not only did I finish for the semester. I finished for my lifetime! Grades are in and I officially have a Master's in Biblical Counseling. In the past week I have read two books that I got to choose!

Summertime is fast approaching. Summer missionaries will be here May 23rd. Let the good times keep rollin'.

Yes

I am still alive.

April 28th will be my last day at the Boys & Girls Club.

April 29th-30th we have a group I'm helping to feed at Camp.

May 1st is my last day of school including finals and a book review.

May 2-3 I am running away.

I shall return back to real life on May 4th.

May 6th our first mission team of the summer arrives.

Life is good...

In the mean time check out this great song.

Heavy Load

I took the weight of their world home on my shoulders last night. Several tough conversations with some of my teen girls just broke my heart yesterday. The things they have to experience and feel... They simply are not fair. I have such a beautiful, loving and simple life, but they do not.

One of the girls came in my office and just stood there. Then she asked for some tape. So, I gave it to her and she left. Then she came back asking for some scissors. I gave those to her and she left. Then she brought them both back so I finally asked what was wrong. After 10 minutes of convincing her I was the smartest person in the world and I knew she wasn't just tired but for some reason her heart was hurting she finally broke down. All I could do was sit and listen.

Finally I looked at her and told her that almost everyday I wanted to take her and her brother home with me. She just grinned. I explained how it wasn't fair what she was going through and I had no way to fix it. This girl actually goes to church on occasion so we then got to talk about the Lord. She learned a huge word called sovereignty... She learned about how Satan's greatest tool is to make is think that lies are truth and that truth is just lies... I expressed to her how taking her from her hurts wouldn't help her in the long run because one day she was going to be able to help people that hurt just like her. However, that wasn't going to happen until God began to heal her hurts first. Then I reassured her the full possibilities of God being a Healer.

Sovereignty is a tough one to understand for anyone. I struggled with it all night last night. At the end of the day though God is still God. And there is not one single thing on this earth He is unaware of. Please keep praying for these children as the only hope they truly have is the Lord. Most people that I know are able to rely on family, jobs, credit cards, etc for love and provision. This child will have neither of those. She will either turn to the Lord or the world will overtake her. It's that simple. There is no middle class or middle ground like most of us have.

Here's the reality though...

In a sense she is so much better off then we will ever be. If and when she realizes that she fully desires to surrender her life to Christ she will be so much more devoted than we are. Our lives are so distracted with stupid things that are only found in this world. We claim to love the Lord yet the temporal things of this world mean so much more than anything eternal. So, should I pray for her to have a life that's more comfortable like mine or should I be praying I have a life more desperate like hers?

That's the question for today...

Haiti #5: Haiti Highlights

There are lots of other post to read before this one about Haiti!

Soccer

One afternoon we walked to another community to play some soccer. Soccer is HUGE basically everywhere in the world other than America. So here goes three white guys, a white girl and a translator to play soccer. We are all fully prepared for a humbling experience due to our lack of soccer intensity. During the walk we end up being taken to a church in this area that had been greatly impacted by the earthquake. I use the word "church" as in building very loosely. We would not have considered it a building by any stretch of the imagination, but the Haitians did.

While the guys were inside talking to some of the local men I found some kids outside and used the power of tickling. It's such a universal connector. The kids giggled and laughed as this white person chased them around. We moved on after a bit to the soccer field. After this we were taken by a few of the homes of people in this area to pray with them.

Then to the soccer field. Part of the field was soccer field and part was a tent city. It was the largest wide open space in the community so they had to put up tents there. Several children ran out to us to see what we were doing. Again I just tickled and played tag with them for awhile. The more we ran around the more it seemed to draw the children out. Two of the guys began to play soccer withs some of the boys while I continued playing with the girls and little kiddos.

Then I decided to try to express to them the greatest thing in the world. As I knelt on the ground they all gathered around. One of them stepped on my skirt and got it dirty which made one of the older girls start yelling like crazy at the little one. Then she kneels down to wipe off the foot print. That was amazing to watch. Anyways... I drew a cross in the ground and said "Jezi" that means Jesus. Then I drew a heart in the dirt and they taught me how to say love. For the next 10 minutes through drawings in the sand they got to hear how Jesus loves them.

Orphanage

We spent an afternoon at an orphanage. It was large in size because it wasn't just an orphanage. A local pastor and his wife had six children of their own. After the earthquake they took in another twelve children. Tents were set up in the backyard to house these children. Each child actually had a bed or at least a blow up mattress. For our American standards it was much, but for Haiti these children were well cared for.

This was Thursday afternoon and God had continued on with his theme for me to be still (Psalm 46:10). I didn't interact tons with the children. More than anything I found myself just watching them only playing with a few of them. We were walking out of the gate and this little girl grabs me and wants my undivided attention. I stop and look at her as she is trying to speak to me in Creole. Once she finally understands I can't understand anything she's saying she starts singing. Below you will see what she sings to me in perfect English.

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you for loving me.

Thank you for being faithful to come and love me.

She sings those three lines over and over.

I hug her and walk out the gate.

As we were walking back to our house I walked in tears. Asking the Lord why He allowed such a beautiful thing to happen to me. Psalm 46:10 comes up again. Apparently I had been missing a critical part of that verse as God shared what I had been forgetting when I re read it once we got home.

Psalm 46:10 "Cease striving (or Be Still) and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

You see I am a habitual worker by nature. I love to do and accomplish things. During this mission trip doing was not what I did the most of. In that moment God was reminding me that He will be exalted among the nations! How else do you describe a little Haitian girl singing completely perfect english to me? Doing isn't always God's answer. Sometimes being still is His desire because in the end HE WILL BE EXALTED AMONG THE NATIONS. His word promises us that.

Friday morning

Thursday morning at the VBS I noticed a little girl in the back sitting down. I walked back there to see what she was doing. Turns out her little brother had fallen asleep and she laid him on a piece of plywood. I went back and wordlessly expressed to her I would sit with him and watch him. This is what I did Thursday at VBS. When this little guy finally woke up he did what most do, he tickled. Only difference is he was not wearing any diaper. My heart began to break. His sister happened to come back over at this point so she stood him up and we took his shorts off of him. Then I put him in my arms and held him for a long while so she could go play with the other children.

Friday morning as we walked to the VBS I see my little friend waddling through the streets as he is barely old enough to walk. I put him in my arms and carry him to the church with me. This morning started as the rest with singing. Some of the songs were fun but there was one in particular that was repetitive. We repeated Hallelujah several times. Then we repeated the words Merci Jezi. If we were in American we would have repeated Thank you Jesus.

At that moment I was broken. Here I sat holding a little baby Haitian in my arms who had fallen asleep while we were singing. While other little ones were pushing to sit closer and closer to me. We sang the same song worshiping the same God. We came from two different worlds yet at that moment all had the same heart beat.

I had some intense flashbacks to the video I said was shared to me about a little boy named Hudson. I cried more this morning than I had all week as I wept over this child praying for his life as he was still fast asleep.

Below is the video...

My profile picture is my little Hudson. I call him that because I have no idea what his name was, but I will never forget feeling his heartbeat as he slept in my arms. Nor will I ever forget hearing those words... "This is my Hudson."

I know this has been a long post but if you have another 8 minutes please watch this video.